I have a questioning mind. It never stops moving and challenging. It is like those hamster wheels, but the hamster never ever gets off my wheel. My most recent thought is why does the human psyche constantly doubt, judge, and tear itself apart, and in general generate that nagging little voice in the back of your head. No matter what, I am constantly trying to ignore that little voice because no matter how seductive it may seem, once you start listening to it one falls into blackness, utter darkness matched with terrifying desperation. What is it about us that makes us listen to that beautiful, seductive, alluring little voice time and time again. Why? Why, if we finally climb out of the blackness of our own hearts, do we let the voice tease us back into the corner, and why do we let ourselves stay in that corner, suffocating, drowning. What is it that holds us back, tampering with the dreams that the creator has given us, twisting and turning them until we no longer see ourselves and our dreams as "he" sees us, but instead we see ourselves as the little voice wants us to see ourselves. Small, inept, unworthy. So, we stay in the corner thinking we are comfortable, if not maybe lukewarm, but comfortable. And if we challenge it, breaking the chains holding us back and run towards the light and the warmth that the creator makes, while all along hands and voices are pulling us back to the comfort, what happens? If we make it, if we make it into the safety of the creator's arms, even for one, brief, second we get a glimpse of what should be. We get told we are beautiful, loved humans made purely for him. We are told we are forgiven and we are given grace, bountiful grace. But then, that little velvety voice starts in again. And it takes away the utter joy, and the safety you feel. It turns it around so that what you think no longer matches what you want to feel. And against your better judgement you turn around and go back into the crushing darkness. Again, what is it that sucks us back in again? Is it the busyness if life? Is it simply because we don't take time to be with God? Or is it simply a pattern that happens over and over and over again? Can we do anything to break the pattern? Maybe if we ignore the voice for just a moment longer it will go away and we can remain in the creators presence. I don't have the answer, no answers to this dilemma of my heart that I see everyone go through. But it is worth mentioning isn't it. So, with that being said, may 2011 be the year that this world seeks the truth instead of the lukewarm comfort we find ourselves in. May 2011 be the year that we step out and do what is right. May 2011 be the year that God breaks through the barriers of people's hearts and reveals himself to them. May 2011 be the year of revival and the breaking of chains. May 2011 be the year of healing. May 2011 be the year where God's people stand up and say, enough, enough of being lukewarm, we want to be red hot for God or not at all. May 2011 be the year that all the forgotten dreams and desires of our hearts be rediscovered and re implanted into our hearts. May 2011 be the year that the burdens we have carried for so long be washed away with the tide. May 2011 be the year that we all stand up in unity and break all those chains. May 2011 be the year that all those seeds planted so long ago in our hearts start to grow and bloom.
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