hmm.

So, I had a friend ask me a few days ago why I do not have much of a problem saying things like: Oh my God. She thought I would since, yes, I do believe in God, and I go to church and so on. And truthfully, at the time I had no direct answer that would make any sense. So I said I would have to think about it. And, think about it I did. Truthfully I thought I would forget about it, but for some reason it has been continually on my mind. So. My answer is this: While I agree that God's name is reverent, and holy, and that it should be cherished and held higher than the average name, I also think that perhaps we tiptoe around his name to much. If God is love, do you really think that you will be struck by a lightening bolt when using his name in vain? However, I definitely have more to say on the subject. It does say in Exodus 20: 7: “You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name." I think that people take this scripture verse far, far, far to literally. Basically anything can be using God's name in vain. For example, there are the sayings like: Oh my God, Jesus Christ, or God Damn, and so on that most Christians think abhorrent. But what about other things? Like: "God told me today that I should tell you that you need to stop working at Starbucks because you work with so many gay people, and since they are horrible people because they live in open sin, you won't be able to go to Heaven because you work with them." (that has happened to me by the way) Or how about the Crusades? Or, Catholic priests raping innocent little boys? Or the people who burned innocent woman who were supposedly witches, because God said so. Or, cults where the leader does horrible things under the name of God (Warren Jeff's anyone?) Besides those major things, there are others. Like, I only got that parking spot because I prayed and God magically moved the car that was there so I could have it (sarcastic yes, but people do believe stuff like that.) Maybe it's me and my lack of an innocent mind, but I really don't know if God cares about that stuff (call me hypocritical), maybe he does and I'm really really wrong. But if one really thinks about it, how on earth does that make sense?
I bring all these things up (and there are SO MANY more) to prove my point. While I agree we have to watch what we say, I don't think that saying Oh my God is the end of the world. I take that verse from Exodus like this: Do not do things in my name that deserve punishment. Do not hate, judge, or persecute people in my name. Do not abuse people in my name, just because you think they are wrong. I think that what God was trying to say was: These are my people, my precious, imperfect humans, and just because you think that you know better, does not mean that you are allowed to use my name in order to bash others into the ground.
So, while my answer could be called vague and hypocritical, for myself I have definitely been challenged by that question, and for once in my life, I am relatively content with my answer.

Where does happiness come from?

Does it come from inside, from the heart, the soul, the mind?

Or does it come from the struggles of life?

Where does joy come from?

Does it come bubbling up, from deep, deep inside?

Or does it come naturally to some, and not to others?

Where does laughter come from?

Does it come from joy? Happiness?

Or does it come from pure excitement?

Some ask, what does it mean to be happy?

What does it mean to be joyful?

What does it feel like to laugh so hard you can't breathe?

Happiness is right there in front of you, don't be afraid to grab onto it for dear life.

Joy stems from whether you choose to live, to truly live life to the fullest.

And laughter, laughter will be there when you want it too. 

© Julia Bethany

... I guess this is my New Years post?

I have a questioning mind. It never stops moving and challenging. It is like those hamster wheels, but the hamster never ever gets off my wheel. My most recent thought is why does the human psyche constantly doubt, judge, and tear itself apart, and in general generate that nagging little voice in the back of your head. No matter what, I am constantly trying to ignore that little voice because no matter how seductive it may seem, once you start listening to it one falls into blackness, utter darkness matched with terrifying desperation. What is it about us that makes us listen to that beautiful, seductive, alluring little voice time and time again. Why? Why, if we finally climb out of the blackness of our own hearts, do we let the voice tease us back into the corner, and why do we let ourselves stay in that corner, suffocating, drowning. What is it that holds us back, tampering with the dreams that the creator has given us, twisting and turning them until we no longer see ourselves and our dreams as "he" sees us, but instead we see ourselves as the little voice wants us to see ourselves. Small, inept, unworthy. So, we stay in the corner thinking we are comfortable, if not maybe lukewarm, but comfortable. And if we challenge it, breaking the chains holding us back and run towards the light and the warmth that the creator makes, while all along hands and voices are pulling us back to the comfort, what happens? If we make it, if we make it into the safety of the creator's arms, even for one, brief, second we get a glimpse of what should be. We get told we are beautiful, loved humans made purely for him. We are told we are forgiven and we are given grace, bountiful grace. But then, that little velvety voice starts in again. And it takes away the utter joy, and the safety you feel. It turns it around so that what you think no longer matches what you want to feel. And against your better judgement you turn around and go back into the crushing darkness. Again, what is it that sucks us back in again? Is it the busyness if life? Is it simply because we don't take time to be with God? Or is it simply a pattern that happens over and over and over again? Can we do anything to break the pattern? Maybe if we ignore the voice for just a moment longer it will go away and we can remain in the creators presence. I don't have the answer, no answers to this dilemma of my heart that I see everyone go through. But it is worth mentioning isn't it. So, with that being said, may 2011 be the year that this world seeks the truth instead of the lukewarm comfort we find ourselves in. May 2011 be the year that we step out and do what is right. May 2011 be the year that God breaks through the barriers of people's hearts and reveals himself to them. May 2011 be the year of revival and the breaking of chains. May 2011 be the year of healing. May 2011 be the year where God's people stand up and say, enough, enough of being lukewarm, we want to be red hot for God or not at all. May 2011 be the year that all the forgotten dreams and desires of our hearts be rediscovered and re implanted into our hearts. May 2011 be the year that the burdens we have carried for so long be washed away with the tide.  May 2011 be the year that we all stand up in unity and break all those chains. May 2011 be the year that all those seeds planted so long ago in our hearts start to grow and   bloom. 

huh

I feel weird lately. Not as in sick weird. But the weird weird i get when I feel that people are simply putting up with me. of course its not true, its something manufactured to make me feel its true and therefore depressed. Weird how the mind and heart work together to make this massive contradiction in one's body. oh well. goodnight all.