Where does happiness come from?

Does it come from inside, from the heart, the soul, the mind?

Or does it come from the struggles of life?

Where does joy come from?

Does it come bubbling up, from deep, deep inside?

Or does it come naturally to some, and not to others?

Where does laughter come from?

Does it come from joy? Happiness?

Or does it come from pure excitement?

Some ask, what does it mean to be happy?

What does it mean to be joyful?

What does it feel like to laugh so hard you can't breathe?

Happiness is right there in front of you, don't be afraid to grab onto it for dear life.

Joy stems from whether you choose to live, to truly live life to the fullest.

And laughter, laughter will be there when you want it too. 

© Julia Bethany

I really can't think of a clever title ...

Why do we constantly push ourselves for more?
Why, oh why, can't we just be?

What is so wrong, with being wrong?
And why can't I wipe the smirk off my face when I am right?

Why do we get such vindication from bringing others down?
Why is it that doing a good deed seems so much harder than simply not?

Why can't I be like Jesus, loving others for who they are, not what they are?
Why, oh why, can't I see past the planks in my own eyes?

Why do I wish to be like that person, and that one, oh and don't forget her ... and her?
Why can't I be happy with just me?

Is it society that makes me be me?
Is it God that makes me be me?

Or is it free will that makes me be me?
Or is it simply me that makes me be me?

I think that perhaps I think to much, however
I think that all of the above matches with a regular human being.

Or is it all just simply Stephen Harper's fault?
Oh wait, sorry I forgot, I was trying to be all deep here, and then that thought stole into my brain ... or did he plant it there? After all he is an evil mastermind trying to take over the world, and we should all watch out because ol' Stepho over there on Parliament Hill is looking to screw Canadians.

Grow up people.
Stephen Harper is human, just like the rest of us.
(even if he is constantly smirking because he thinks he is right)
And just because I do not agree with what he is doing, does not mean that my new goal in life is to bash the man into the ground.
(Even though it will bring me a large sense of vindication)

And please, lets just face it. If Stephen Harper manages to grow a beard like Jesus', he has mad, mad skills.

OK, I am tired. My thoughts are becoming no longer intelligent. Goodnight all.

Crap! I think my brain is failing me ...

Sometimes I wonder, really wonder how my words don't come out sounding like this :

shiuht9hoawrhfouqhafkabfkjhasdfhkasjfhas;lhgalkhgfjakhbfajskbdaskjbgfajdbgfvajkbhfwe; lajsnfdhasljkfnhalb. I mean really. My brain is so full of CRAP that I don't even know where to begin half the time, and then man, if you catch me when I'm tired, good luck translating anything I say into the human language. I only wish the people who think that I'm this scatter brained, fluffy headed person could see into my brain. Because then, and only then, will they realize that really, scatter brained does not describe me. Most of the time I have too many.damn.things.on.my.brain and I can't come up with a coherent sentence to describe it all. So, basically this post is to remind you all why I write on this blog. I write because it is a vain attempt to spew some of my thoughts on the screen, in the hope that my actually intelligent, well read brain could get some rest by lightening the load for a little while ... until I think about why I am lightening the load and this whole process starts all over again. Good Grief. OK. Shutting up now! Just letting you know I'm still here! Finals are here too, which is why I am hyped up on coffee and studying my ass off! Good luck to the rest of you with finals! So long! OK, really I am done now ...

This is officially my lamest blog post ever. 

© Julia Bethany

Hope

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

Sometimes, when it is virtually impossible to see anything positive, anything remotely brilliant about all the decisions you ever made, when it is, literally, virtually impossible to see anything that equals seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, to feel, full out feel, grace, and hope. Then, you see a child's smile, hear a child's giggle, see bright shining eyes filled with possibilities, and in the blink of an eye, you feel it. In the blink of an eye you see all the things you lack, and you want it for yourself. You want that innocence of life, the unadulterated, bright hope, the infectious joy. You want that feeling of peace, of never ending dreams. I know you aren't "supposed" to covet, you aren't "supposed" to be jealous, you aren't "supposed" to look at someone else and say: I want that. But you do. Hell, everybody does. Everyone looks at others and sees something that they want for themselves. Everyone is insecure in some way, everyone has some failure, some desperate secret they scramble to keep hidden. What it is it about human frailty that brings all our faults to the forefront? What is it about human nature that has us fighting, scrapping, for the best qualities. And if we don't get them, we are unsatisfied. We want those things for ourselves. So, when we look at ourselves all we see is the dark, the horrible wretched heart, and not the positive, beautiful character traits that make me, and make you.  My other question is why, when you look at a child, do you have all these feelings and thoughts rush into your head? Why, when you look into those beautiful, intelligent eyes, so full of hope, do you also, feel so full of hope? I went to nanny this morning in a horrible mood. Just wretched. And I walked out of that house, buoyed by the utter sense of freedom, of joy, peace, and hope. Children must have this special power ... this special connection to God that creates in them healing hands. Something they have, I want. That is not coveting, that is not jealousy, it is simply admiration.

© Julia Bethany

Kyle

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."
- C. S. Lewis

To Kyle, one of the most incredible people I have ever met:

I know this person named Kyle. Kyle is an amazing human with incredible talents and insights. Although Kyle is rather afraid of flying headsets, I love him just the same. You see, the thing about Kyle is that he accepts you just as you are, with no judgement or predispositions. I wish more people were like Kyle. I wish more people would strive for perfection like he does. I wish more people had a heart and a soul like Kyle, it would make this world a far better place. I really wish that I could see the world through Kyle's eyes, perhaps I would have a clearer vision of myself and others. Perhaps if my heart was as open as his is I would be able to push past the stuff blocking my way and conquer my fears. Not that I wish to be you Kyle, but there are several things I envy and want for myself. Your crystal clear view of the world, your inner beauty, your ability to make people feel like the most special thing on earth. You see, I look not only at the outside, but at the inside, and in you Kyle there is something so wonderful, I just can't put my finger on it. So kudos to you, dearest friend, you make my heart lighter. I am sorry this took me so long to write. I promised you awhile ago that I would write something for you, but I never got around to it. I hope this suffices. 

Love Julia

© Julia Bethany

Laughter

I think that sometimes we hide in laughter. Laughter is an incredible cover because people think that we are joyful, happy, content. But really our insides are churning, our thoughts are elsewhere, and we have to keep chanting to ourselves: just keep smiling, just keep smiling, just keep smiling. Laughing has a numbing effect, and eventually, if you become good enough at it, you can even tell yourself that you are happy by laughing. Laughing also has many healing powers, smiles can bring hope, laughter brings joy. Coming from the perspective of a very joyful vivacious person, laughter is the perfect cover for me, because its normal. I am always smiling, but the trick for you people to tell the difference is the eyes. If someone is grinning from ear to ear, but their eyes are sad, somethings up. If a person is laughing and smiling, and their eyes are twinkling and bright, at that moment joy is bubbling out. Eyes are like windows into the soul. Sometimes all I see is hurt, pain, confusion, self doubt, anger. The list goes on. But sometimes I see love, kindness, gentleness, genuine warmth, and laughter. So to conclude my rambling thoughts, try not to hide in laughter. I find it only makes you feel worse. And if you hide in bitterness and hurt, try to laugh, really really laugh at something that brings you joy. It does miracles for the soul. And next time someone smiles, look into their eyes. Depending on what you see, encourage them!

© Julia Bethany