Your Grace is Sufficient for Me

When your heart hurts so much you wish you could tear it out of your chest.

When you are so happy you skip down the street singing Jesus Loves me at the top of your lungs.

When you try to hide. or try to run.

When you simply walk through life just trying to breathe.

When you can't stop smiling like a fool.

When your sad.

When your lonely.

When your content.

When your overwhelmed.

When you do wrong.

When you do right.

God is there.

God is always, always there.

Loving you.

Romancing you.

Holding you.

And it seems, when you absolutely do not want him there.

He's there anyway.

Bringing Truth.

Bringing Light.

Bringing Beauty

Bringing Life.

And, since he's God.

The more we run, the more we hide, the more He seeks.

You can't run away from God.

That's not how it works.

And God does not, He does not run away from you.

He loves you.

He wants you.

He wants your heart to be his.

But your scared.

Terrified even.

Because, what if God turns on you?

What if He gets angry.

Or frustrated.

Or impatient.

What if you fail?

Will God leave you?

Will he leave you for someone else?

Someone else who can be you better.

Someone who is perfect, whole and beautiful.

Not someone who has struggles, someone who is dark, and twisty.

Why would God want someone like you?

And then that part, where He brings truth, it pours into your soul like a rainstorm in a desert.

It washes away the pain, the hurt, and the doubt.

And you get it.

For a brief moment you get it.

He loves you. He wants you. He needs you.

You are imperfect, your heart is dark and twisted, and so utterly human.

And he wants you that way. He loves you that way.

God's grace is not fickle.

He does not pick and choose who to bestow his grace upon.

It is indescribable. Beautiful.

And it's yours.

Life

I think that sometimes, life sucks. Some try and combat that fact with laughter and fake little smiles. Some, some just stay in bed. Others eat. Others smoke. Others drink their sorrows away. Others exercise. We are all looking for something to make us feel better. And really, I really am wondering, do we actually get the chance to choose happiness? Is it a choice? I think so. I think that we can choose to drag ourselves out of bed, I think we can choose to overcome the fact that life sucks but I also think that its hard. I think that sometimes it gets to hard. Way, way, way, way to fricken hard. And sometimes even though we make the choice again and again to get up, to keep going, we get a break sometimes. I think, that since we are human beings we deserve a break. We deserve to break down once in while. We deserve to be depressed, and anxious, and sad, because, at the end of the day, your heart still beats, your brain still works, your still breathing and living. God is still there. In those moments, in those precious moments where we are broken, and vulnerable, and hurting, that's when God becomes more and more real. That's where he steps in and holds our hearts. Because we aren't strong enough to hold ourselves up ALL the time. We are not strong enough to hold all our burdens, and sadness, and heavy hearts up ALL the time. We are not meant to hold ourselves up ALL the time. Sometimes, you need others. Sometimes you need God. I know that people say to hold your head up, that there is hope. But can I get anyone, anyone to agree with me when I say that sometimes, sometimes we need to just be sad. Sometimes we need to go curl up in a ball somewhere and cry. Sometimes we need to hold our head up, but we are allowed to do it with a heavy heart. I don't have anything inspirational to say. I don't have anything smart, or quick witted to speak about. I don't have any complaints or harsh words, or anything Christianeseish to say. I just want to be anything but ordinary, but to be anything but ordinary, I have come to the conclusion that sometimes I am allowed, that sometimes we are all allowed to be broken. Broken so we can be healed. And that, that is where hope lingers.

Precious Stones

                                                       

In the form of many things, I keep receiving precious stones.

These stones are not always received with an open heart,

but whether these stones come in the form of something like

truth, laughter and love,

joy and light,

the vibrancy of life,

or perhaps something subtle and poignant, like grace.

whatever these stones may entail,

it is soon realized that they act as a healing balm,

to a hurting, weary and thirsty heart.

Whether the hurt was self inflicted,

or whether it was unjustly received,

these stones, while not always received well

by this intrinsically designed heart,

provide a freedom not known before.

This heart feels a freedom to be itself,

The freedom to bask in the love of God.

With no guilt. No shame. No judgement.

These stones, provide this heart the strength

to break the chains holding it back.

These stones provide this heart with

the courage to fail. The courage to choose.

And what this heart chooses to accept is

freedom, grace and mercy.

Because that is what perfect love is all about.

© Julia Bethany