Your Grace is Sufficient for Me

When your heart hurts so much you wish you could tear it out of your chest.

When you are so happy you skip down the street singing Jesus Loves me at the top of your lungs.

When you try to hide. or try to run.

When you simply walk through life just trying to breathe.

When you can't stop smiling like a fool.

When your sad.

When your lonely.

When your content.

When your overwhelmed.

When you do wrong.

When you do right.

God is there.

God is always, always there.

Loving you.

Romancing you.

Holding you.

And it seems, when you absolutely do not want him there.

He's there anyway.

Bringing Truth.

Bringing Light.

Bringing Beauty

Bringing Life.

And, since he's God.

The more we run, the more we hide, the more He seeks.

You can't run away from God.

That's not how it works.

And God does not, He does not run away from you.

He loves you.

He wants you.

He wants your heart to be his.

But your scared.

Terrified even.

Because, what if God turns on you?

What if He gets angry.

Or frustrated.

Or impatient.

What if you fail?

Will God leave you?

Will he leave you for someone else?

Someone else who can be you better.

Someone who is perfect, whole and beautiful.

Not someone who has struggles, someone who is dark, and twisty.

Why would God want someone like you?

And then that part, where He brings truth, it pours into your soul like a rainstorm in a desert.

It washes away the pain, the hurt, and the doubt.

And you get it.

For a brief moment you get it.

He loves you. He wants you. He needs you.

You are imperfect, your heart is dark and twisted, and so utterly human.

And he wants you that way. He loves you that way.

God's grace is not fickle.

He does not pick and choose who to bestow his grace upon.

It is indescribable. Beautiful.

And it's yours.

Kyle

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."
- C. S. Lewis

To Kyle, one of the most incredible people I have ever met:

I know this person named Kyle. Kyle is an amazing human with incredible talents and insights. Although Kyle is rather afraid of flying headsets, I love him just the same. You see, the thing about Kyle is that he accepts you just as you are, with no judgement or predispositions. I wish more people were like Kyle. I wish more people would strive for perfection like he does. I wish more people had a heart and a soul like Kyle, it would make this world a far better place. I really wish that I could see the world through Kyle's eyes, perhaps I would have a clearer vision of myself and others. Perhaps if my heart was as open as his is I would be able to push past the stuff blocking my way and conquer my fears. Not that I wish to be you Kyle, but there are several things I envy and want for myself. Your crystal clear view of the world, your inner beauty, your ability to make people feel like the most special thing on earth. You see, I look not only at the outside, but at the inside, and in you Kyle there is something so wonderful, I just can't put my finger on it. So kudos to you, dearest friend, you make my heart lighter. I am sorry this took me so long to write. I promised you awhile ago that I would write something for you, but I never got around to it. I hope this suffices. 

Love Julia

© Julia Bethany

Laughter

I think that sometimes we hide in laughter. Laughter is an incredible cover because people think that we are joyful, happy, content. But really our insides are churning, our thoughts are elsewhere, and we have to keep chanting to ourselves: just keep smiling, just keep smiling, just keep smiling. Laughing has a numbing effect, and eventually, if you become good enough at it, you can even tell yourself that you are happy by laughing. Laughing also has many healing powers, smiles can bring hope, laughter brings joy. Coming from the perspective of a very joyful vivacious person, laughter is the perfect cover for me, because its normal. I am always smiling, but the trick for you people to tell the difference is the eyes. If someone is grinning from ear to ear, but their eyes are sad, somethings up. If a person is laughing and smiling, and their eyes are twinkling and bright, at that moment joy is bubbling out. Eyes are like windows into the soul. Sometimes all I see is hurt, pain, confusion, self doubt, anger. The list goes on. But sometimes I see love, kindness, gentleness, genuine warmth, and laughter. So to conclude my rambling thoughts, try not to hide in laughter. I find it only makes you feel worse. And if you hide in bitterness and hurt, try to laugh, really really laugh at something that brings you joy. It does miracles for the soul. And next time someone smiles, look into their eyes. Depending on what you see, encourage them!

© Julia Bethany

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