Hope

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

Sometimes, when it is virtually impossible to see anything positive, anything remotely brilliant about all the decisions you ever made, when it is, literally, virtually impossible to see anything that equals seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, to feel, full out feel, grace, and hope. Then, you see a child's smile, hear a child's giggle, see bright shining eyes filled with possibilities, and in the blink of an eye, you feel it. In the blink of an eye you see all the things you lack, and you want it for yourself. You want that innocence of life, the unadulterated, bright hope, the infectious joy. You want that feeling of peace, of never ending dreams. I know you aren't "supposed" to covet, you aren't "supposed" to be jealous, you aren't "supposed" to look at someone else and say: I want that. But you do. Hell, everybody does. Everyone looks at others and sees something that they want for themselves. Everyone is insecure in some way, everyone has some failure, some desperate secret they scramble to keep hidden. What it is it about human frailty that brings all our faults to the forefront? What is it about human nature that has us fighting, scrapping, for the best qualities. And if we don't get them, we are unsatisfied. We want those things for ourselves. So, when we look at ourselves all we see is the dark, the horrible wretched heart, and not the positive, beautiful character traits that make me, and make you.  My other question is why, when you look at a child, do you have all these feelings and thoughts rush into your head? Why, when you look into those beautiful, intelligent eyes, so full of hope, do you also, feel so full of hope? I went to nanny this morning in a horrible mood. Just wretched. And I walked out of that house, buoyed by the utter sense of freedom, of joy, peace, and hope. Children must have this special power ... this special connection to God that creates in them healing hands. Something they have, I want. That is not coveting, that is not jealousy, it is simply admiration.

© Julia Bethany