Awe.

So in the midst of wandering around this life without a clue of exactly, exactly what I'm doing, I have discovered something so profound. It's OK to wander around not knowing things. IN FACT. It's OK to wander around searching for those things that you don't know. Someone important in my life told me for as long as I can remember that I shouldn't seek things because, if they aren't needed than why should we know them. Seek God and you will have all you ever need Julia, is the answer I got every time I tried questioning that statement. For someone like me, someone who is constantly seeking out answers, and knowledge and wisdom, that is a heartbreaking thing to tell a little girl. It is heartbreaking because, I am now learning, at twenty, that it is perfectly OK not to know where your headed, and that it is perfectly fine to seek out knowledge. Not everything in life has to be planned out, because it doesn't work that way. Sometimes it's just best to be along for the ride, and not to be in control. And you don't have to be narrow minded just because someone told you that it's easier and better to not seek knowledge because knowledge can maybe change your mind about things ... I personally do believe that God is fine with me having wisdom, to be knowledgeable, because I can guarantee that I will come out the better for it. I can guarantee at this point in my life that despite the things I learned, despite the fact that they may be wrong, I will choose him in the end. Ha. HA. I know to much. I have seen, felt and heard to much to deny that there is a God. I have not known anything so precious as to feel him speak to me. To feel his presence. To get shivers because I can see him at work. My mind is blown at the fact that someone that huge, and important, and incredible, loves ME. He loves ME. HA. At the end of the day, all that's left is me and him. That's it. No pretenses, no walls. Just me and the big guy. I have never known, and will never ever know such an infinite and tangible love. People can deny God all they want, but whether they can see it or not, the fact that they are denying, fighting, and struggling with the thought of God, proves that there is one. How could someone struggle over something so much if that thing isn't there in the first place? We are called weak and spineless for believing in something that we apparently only believe in to make ourselves feel better. I think that it takes great strength to believe in something, someone. We are let down by those around us so much it's hard to believe or trust anything or anyone. God is more than a mere thought. God is deep. Fathomless. And He.Loves.Me.

I am rambling and I know it. Sorry. My point, dear people is this. I have discovered, with much delight, that it is OK not to know exactly what we are doing in life. And to even more delight, I have discovered that it is OK to seek knowledge and wisdom wholeheartedly. But, I have to make sure to take that which I have learned, and to sift out the junk and keep the treasure. I choose that which brings me life.