hmm.

So, I had a friend ask me a few days ago why I do not have much of a problem saying things like: Oh my God. She thought I would since, yes, I do believe in God, and I go to church and so on. And truthfully, at the time I had no direct answer that would make any sense. So I said I would have to think about it. And, think about it I did. Truthfully I thought I would forget about it, but for some reason it has been continually on my mind. So. My answer is this: While I agree that God's name is reverent, and holy, and that it should be cherished and held higher than the average name, I also think that perhaps we tiptoe around his name to much. If God is love, do you really think that you will be struck by a lightening bolt when using his name in vain? However, I definitely have more to say on the subject. It does say in Exodus 20: 7: “You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name." I think that people take this scripture verse far, far, far to literally. Basically anything can be using God's name in vain. For example, there are the sayings like: Oh my God, Jesus Christ, or God Damn, and so on that most Christians think abhorrent. But what about other things? Like: "God told me today that I should tell you that you need to stop working at Starbucks because you work with so many gay people, and since they are horrible people because they live in open sin, you won't be able to go to Heaven because you work with them." (that has happened to me by the way) Or how about the Crusades? Or, Catholic priests raping innocent little boys? Or the people who burned innocent woman who were supposedly witches, because God said so. Or, cults where the leader does horrible things under the name of God (Warren Jeff's anyone?) Besides those major things, there are others. Like, I only got that parking spot because I prayed and God magically moved the car that was there so I could have it (sarcastic yes, but people do believe stuff like that.) Maybe it's me and my lack of an innocent mind, but I really don't know if God cares about that stuff (call me hypocritical), maybe he does and I'm really really wrong. But if one really thinks about it, how on earth does that make sense?
I bring all these things up (and there are SO MANY more) to prove my point. While I agree we have to watch what we say, I don't think that saying Oh my God is the end of the world. I take that verse from Exodus like this: Do not do things in my name that deserve punishment. Do not hate, judge, or persecute people in my name. Do not abuse people in my name, just because you think they are wrong. I think that what God was trying to say was: These are my people, my precious, imperfect humans, and just because you think that you know better, does not mean that you are allowed to use my name in order to bash others into the ground.
So, while my answer could be called vague and hypocritical, for myself I have definitely been challenged by that question, and for once in my life, I am relatively content with my answer.

Angry

I am angered. I am angered because this world thinks more about Amy Winehouse and her hairstyles, then about the 83 FRICKEN DEAD TEENAGERS IN NORWAY. I am angered because there are more news articles about how Amy Winehouse should have gone to rehab, but her daddy thinks she's fine, so she said no no no. then there are telling us about the tragic losses in Norway, in Africa. How, Somalia is suffering from a FAMINE. Or how Sudan, yeah, Sudan where thousands are being SLAUGHTERED daily because they are fighting for basic human rights.  I am angered because a drug addicted musician gets more press then children who are starving to death, because a drug addicted musician gets more attention then innocent people who are being Murdered by the thousands. Shame. Shame shame shame on our society. We claim to be leaders. We claim to be SOMEONE's hero. But where the hell are we? We are mourning the loss of a musician, who spent most of her last days being completely shot on drugs. Yes, sad. Yes, I get it. But not when there are fifty other things that should rank far more importantly are shoved to the back, because Amy Winehouse and her beehive hair have exited this world. I am ashamed to live in this society. Ashamed. We take the smallest things for granted, we take take take take take, and never ever barely give. We take that is NOT ours, and pass it over as "help". What is going to happen to us to make us see? What is it going to take to get us to see that it is not OK to pass things over as insignificant just because they are not happening right in front of us. Amy Winehouse lived a sad and tragic life, and she deserved the chance to choose things that would bring her life. But she didn't. There are people, right now, at this very moment, whose lives are being snuffed out, who have NEVER had the chance to choose life, and those are the people I choose to be sad for. What do YOU choose?????

Your Grace is Sufficient for Me

When your heart hurts so much you wish you could tear it out of your chest.

When you are so happy you skip down the street singing Jesus Loves me at the top of your lungs.

When you try to hide. or try to run.

When you simply walk through life just trying to breathe.

When you can't stop smiling like a fool.

When your sad.

When your lonely.

When your content.

When your overwhelmed.

When you do wrong.

When you do right.

God is there.

God is always, always there.

Loving you.

Romancing you.

Holding you.

And it seems, when you absolutely do not want him there.

He's there anyway.

Bringing Truth.

Bringing Light.

Bringing Beauty

Bringing Life.

And, since he's God.

The more we run, the more we hide, the more He seeks.

You can't run away from God.

That's not how it works.

And God does not, He does not run away from you.

He loves you.

He wants you.

He wants your heart to be his.

But your scared.

Terrified even.

Because, what if God turns on you?

What if He gets angry.

Or frustrated.

Or impatient.

What if you fail?

Will God leave you?

Will he leave you for someone else?

Someone else who can be you better.

Someone who is perfect, whole and beautiful.

Not someone who has struggles, someone who is dark, and twisty.

Why would God want someone like you?

And then that part, where He brings truth, it pours into your soul like a rainstorm in a desert.

It washes away the pain, the hurt, and the doubt.

And you get it.

For a brief moment you get it.

He loves you. He wants you. He needs you.

You are imperfect, your heart is dark and twisted, and so utterly human.

And he wants you that way. He loves you that way.

God's grace is not fickle.

He does not pick and choose who to bestow his grace upon.

It is indescribable. Beautiful.

And it's yours.

Life

I think that sometimes, life sucks. Some try and combat that fact with laughter and fake little smiles. Some, some just stay in bed. Others eat. Others smoke. Others drink their sorrows away. Others exercise. We are all looking for something to make us feel better. And really, I really am wondering, do we actually get the chance to choose happiness? Is it a choice? I think so. I think that we can choose to drag ourselves out of bed, I think we can choose to overcome the fact that life sucks but I also think that its hard. I think that sometimes it gets to hard. Way, way, way, way to fricken hard. And sometimes even though we make the choice again and again to get up, to keep going, we get a break sometimes. I think, that since we are human beings we deserve a break. We deserve to break down once in while. We deserve to be depressed, and anxious, and sad, because, at the end of the day, your heart still beats, your brain still works, your still breathing and living. God is still there. In those moments, in those precious moments where we are broken, and vulnerable, and hurting, that's when God becomes more and more real. That's where he steps in and holds our hearts. Because we aren't strong enough to hold ourselves up ALL the time. We are not strong enough to hold all our burdens, and sadness, and heavy hearts up ALL the time. We are not meant to hold ourselves up ALL the time. Sometimes, you need others. Sometimes you need God. I know that people say to hold your head up, that there is hope. But can I get anyone, anyone to agree with me when I say that sometimes, sometimes we need to just be sad. Sometimes we need to go curl up in a ball somewhere and cry. Sometimes we need to hold our head up, but we are allowed to do it with a heavy heart. I don't have anything inspirational to say. I don't have anything smart, or quick witted to speak about. I don't have any complaints or harsh words, or anything Christianeseish to say. I just want to be anything but ordinary, but to be anything but ordinary, I have come to the conclusion that sometimes I am allowed, that sometimes we are all allowed to be broken. Broken so we can be healed. And that, that is where hope lingers.

Precious Stones

                                                       

In the form of many things, I keep receiving precious stones.

These stones are not always received with an open heart,

but whether these stones come in the form of something like

truth, laughter and love,

joy and light,

the vibrancy of life,

or perhaps something subtle and poignant, like grace.

whatever these stones may entail,

it is soon realized that they act as a healing balm,

to a hurting, weary and thirsty heart.

Whether the hurt was self inflicted,

or whether it was unjustly received,

these stones, while not always received well

by this intrinsically designed heart,

provide a freedom not known before.

This heart feels a freedom to be itself,

The freedom to bask in the love of God.

With no guilt. No shame. No judgement.

These stones, provide this heart the strength

to break the chains holding it back.

These stones provide this heart with

the courage to fail. The courage to choose.

And what this heart chooses to accept is

freedom, grace and mercy.

Because that is what perfect love is all about.

© Julia Bethany

Where does happiness come from?

Does it come from inside, from the heart, the soul, the mind?

Or does it come from the struggles of life?

Where does joy come from?

Does it come bubbling up, from deep, deep inside?

Or does it come naturally to some, and not to others?

Where does laughter come from?

Does it come from joy? Happiness?

Or does it come from pure excitement?

Some ask, what does it mean to be happy?

What does it mean to be joyful?

What does it feel like to laugh so hard you can't breathe?

Happiness is right there in front of you, don't be afraid to grab onto it for dear life.

Joy stems from whether you choose to live, to truly live life to the fullest.

And laughter, laughter will be there when you want it too. 

© Julia Bethany

I really can't think of a clever title ...

Why do we constantly push ourselves for more?
Why, oh why, can't we just be?

What is so wrong, with being wrong?
And why can't I wipe the smirk off my face when I am right?

Why do we get such vindication from bringing others down?
Why is it that doing a good deed seems so much harder than simply not?

Why can't I be like Jesus, loving others for who they are, not what they are?
Why, oh why, can't I see past the planks in my own eyes?

Why do I wish to be like that person, and that one, oh and don't forget her ... and her?
Why can't I be happy with just me?

Is it society that makes me be me?
Is it God that makes me be me?

Or is it free will that makes me be me?
Or is it simply me that makes me be me?

I think that perhaps I think to much, however
I think that all of the above matches with a regular human being.

Or is it all just simply Stephen Harper's fault?
Oh wait, sorry I forgot, I was trying to be all deep here, and then that thought stole into my brain ... or did he plant it there? After all he is an evil mastermind trying to take over the world, and we should all watch out because ol' Stepho over there on Parliament Hill is looking to screw Canadians.

Grow up people.
Stephen Harper is human, just like the rest of us.
(even if he is constantly smirking because he thinks he is right)
And just because I do not agree with what he is doing, does not mean that my new goal in life is to bash the man into the ground.
(Even though it will bring me a large sense of vindication)

And please, lets just face it. If Stephen Harper manages to grow a beard like Jesus', he has mad, mad skills.

OK, I am tired. My thoughts are becoming no longer intelligent. Goodnight all.

Best.Thing.Ever

Crap! I think my brain is failing me ...

Sometimes I wonder, really wonder how my words don't come out sounding like this :

shiuht9hoawrhfouqhafkabfkjhasdfhkasjfhas;lhgalkhgfjakhbfajskbdaskjbgfajdbgfvajkbhfwe; lajsnfdhasljkfnhalb. I mean really. My brain is so full of CRAP that I don't even know where to begin half the time, and then man, if you catch me when I'm tired, good luck translating anything I say into the human language. I only wish the people who think that I'm this scatter brained, fluffy headed person could see into my brain. Because then, and only then, will they realize that really, scatter brained does not describe me. Most of the time I have too many.damn.things.on.my.brain and I can't come up with a coherent sentence to describe it all. So, basically this post is to remind you all why I write on this blog. I write because it is a vain attempt to spew some of my thoughts on the screen, in the hope that my actually intelligent, well read brain could get some rest by lightening the load for a little while ... until I think about why I am lightening the load and this whole process starts all over again. Good Grief. OK. Shutting up now! Just letting you know I'm still here! Finals are here too, which is why I am hyped up on coffee and studying my ass off! Good luck to the rest of you with finals! So long! OK, really I am done now ...

This is officially my lamest blog post ever. 

© Julia Bethany

Hope

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

Sometimes, when it is virtually impossible to see anything positive, anything remotely brilliant about all the decisions you ever made, when it is, literally, virtually impossible to see anything that equals seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, to feel, full out feel, grace, and hope. Then, you see a child's smile, hear a child's giggle, see bright shining eyes filled with possibilities, and in the blink of an eye, you feel it. In the blink of an eye you see all the things you lack, and you want it for yourself. You want that innocence of life, the unadulterated, bright hope, the infectious joy. You want that feeling of peace, of never ending dreams. I know you aren't "supposed" to covet, you aren't "supposed" to be jealous, you aren't "supposed" to look at someone else and say: I want that. But you do. Hell, everybody does. Everyone looks at others and sees something that they want for themselves. Everyone is insecure in some way, everyone has some failure, some desperate secret they scramble to keep hidden. What it is it about human frailty that brings all our faults to the forefront? What is it about human nature that has us fighting, scrapping, for the best qualities. And if we don't get them, we are unsatisfied. We want those things for ourselves. So, when we look at ourselves all we see is the dark, the horrible wretched heart, and not the positive, beautiful character traits that make me, and make you.  My other question is why, when you look at a child, do you have all these feelings and thoughts rush into your head? Why, when you look into those beautiful, intelligent eyes, so full of hope, do you also, feel so full of hope? I went to nanny this morning in a horrible mood. Just wretched. And I walked out of that house, buoyed by the utter sense of freedom, of joy, peace, and hope. Children must have this special power ... this special connection to God that creates in them healing hands. Something they have, I want. That is not coveting, that is not jealousy, it is simply admiration.

© Julia Bethany